I can't be your friend anymore
by becca65d
Summary: Shal tells Jesse her true feelings for him.pairings are sj and possibly bl Shalimar's decision is finally posted. Please read and review. thanks
1. I can't be your friend anymore

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters of Mutant X  
  
The song is by Rushlow and I don't own the song or the group. I did change one bit of wording in the song to fit the story.  
  
Please read and review. Thank you. I hope you enjoy  
  
Shalimar lay silently watching the man sleeping next to her. She was extremely happy that the Dominion had asked for her and Jesse to go on this mission together. She had longed to tell him her ultimate feelings. That she really wanted him and not Brennan. And this mission had given her the chance not to only tell him but, also to show him how she really felt. She had tried in the past but, always felt that he liked Emma and then when Lexa came on the scene she could see that he was attracted to her so she was afraid to let him know for fear that he didn't feel the same way.  
  
So, finally she mustered up all her courage yesterday and let her feelings out.  
  
Previous evening:  
  
"Jesse can we talk?"  
  
"Sure Shal, what's up?"  
  
"I don't know how to say this to you. But, I'm going to give it a shot and I don't want you to say anything. Just listen to what I have to say and when I'm done it'll be up to you whether I stay or go.  
  
This might come as quite a shock But, I've given it a lot of thought And this thing that's come between us Can't be ignored I've taken all I can This is where it's gotta end 'Cause I can't be your friend anymore  
  
And I can't be accused Of not being there for you How many nights have you shown up at my door I hope you understand That this wasn't in my plans But I can't be your friend anymore  
  
"Jesse I care about you so much and you know I've always been there for you. You are the closest friend I have. We've known each other for so many years. I can tell you want to say something right now but, you have to let me finish or I may never have the courage to finish. Remember when you'd steal into my room at night because you couldn't sleep because some girl had broken your heart. How many times I was there to wipe away the tears and to make you laugh until we both fell asleep snuggled closely together. Or when Emma died and Adam had disappeared wasn't I there for you Jesse. Couldn't you see how I really felt? Or did I hold it in better than I thought?"  
  
And it's killing me to know you Without having a chance to hold you And all I wanna do is show you How I really feel inside You can run to me, you can laugh at me Or you can walk right out that door But I can't be your friend anymore  
  
"Jess you may be thinking that we have held each other and comforted each other multiple times. But, not the way I really wanna hold you and not the way I really want to show you how I feel. I feel so much love for you. I want to wrap my arms around you. I want to feel your lips on mine. Your tongue in my mouth and your hands on my body. I want you to love me and I'm so scared that you don't."  
  
So baby, now it's up to you Do I win or do I lose Will my heart fly or lie broken on the floor Oh, take me as I am 'Cause I want you to be my man But I can't be your friend anymore  
  
Jesse just looked at her and didn't do anything at all. So Shal got up and started to walk away from him. When suddenly she felt him grab her arm. She turned around and was met by him leaning into her and kissing her lips melting away all her fears in that one second. She finally got the answer she wanted for so long.  
  
But I can't be just friends anymore We can't be just friends anymore  
  
No now they would be so much more. And Shal could never again doubt his love for her. Now the only thing to figure out was how it would affect Brennan and Lexa. But, they could worry about that later. Right now she was going to make love to Jesse as if tomorrow were never coming. 


	2. speechless

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything relating to Mutant X or Rushlow. The title of this song is speechless by Rushlow.  
  
The next day:  
  
All Jesse could think is that last night had been wonderful. He was so happy to hear that Shalimar loved him and not Brennan. He had been in love with her for so long and to finally realize that she felt the same way. And making love to a feral was an experience in itself with her animal instincts kicking in. He was still sore and a bit scraped up from her nails raking his back from their passionate night together. But, he loved her so much that the pain had been well worth it. She tried multiple times to apologize and he reassured her that he was fine and that he wouldn't have had it any other way.  
  
And now as he watched her watching him it made him even more happy that he had her.  
  
What's a man supposed to say When you look at me that way There's not a thing about you I would change I'm speechless  
  
And that is exactly how she made him feel. Speechless.  
  
You're every classic movie star You're every play, you're every part You're so deep inside of this man's heart I'm speechless  
  
He loved knowing that he'd be able to show her just how deep in his heart she was and always had been. He felt so bad thinking that they couldn't have gotten together sooner. With him feeling that Brennan held that key to her heart and her feeling that he had feelings first for Emma and then for Lexa. He smiled knowing that neither could ever outshine the love he felt for her. And he would prove just that every day from now on.  
  
So, how do I explain to you The way you changed my life Even if I'd wanted to It wouldn't come out right  
  
No he realized he would never be able to say everything that he felt but, he loved knowing he had a chance to start.  
  
You're every note of every song You make right my every wrong And in my arms is where you belong I'm speechless You're a lady through and through There's still the little girl there too There's nothing that I wouldn't do for you I'm speechless  
  
She would be every note of every song to him. And in his arms is where she would always be. He loved the woman and loved her even more when she let her childlike fears come forward knowing that he could wipe them away and be the one she wanted and needed to help her be brave when she faced unknown things with her mutancy.  
  
So, how do I explain to you The way you've changed my life Even when I've wanted to It never came out right Some things are better left unsaid And really never heard A love that you can recognize Without a single word  
  
He could smile now knowing that she loved him and that he didn't have to say a word for her to know how he felt. He could just show her over and over again in little things like opening a car door for her, taking her to a romantic dinner or by showing her in big ways by taking her in his arms and putting his lips to hers. To make love to her over and over again.  
  
You make everything stand still You complete the way I feel And I'll be here for you until I'm speechless  
  
And he knew he would be there for her until his very last breath. 


	3. since when

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything relating to Mutant X and I do not own anything relating to Rushlow.  
  
Thank you for the reviews that I have gotten. I am glad you like the story so far. I hope you'll continue to read it.  
  
Since When:  
  
It had been five months since Shal and Jesse came back. He could tell there was something about them that was different when they arrived back from the mission. And, when Shal told him what happened he put on his bravest face ever although inside he was numb with pain. She broke his heart that day. He vowed though to suffer in silence-forever, realizing that even had he showed her the promise ring he bought it still would have been too late.  
  
Yeah, I'm doin' just fine Everything's goin' great She's so out of my mind Totally erased I've got it together I'm better than I've ever been  
  
He could keep telling himself he was fine. That he would be able to recover from this. But....  
  
Since when Why am I kidding myself From the moment she left I've been over the edge And I can't pull out of this spin Well, I haven't been myself Since when  
  
He wished that he had been the one to go with her on that mission. It hurt his head all these doubts he had. If only's were all he had now.  
  
She used to believe I was made to love her And I, I can't even think Of tryin' to love another But maybe I've changed I'm not the man I was then, yeah  
  
He remembered bittersweet memories of Shal and him, all the while staring at the ring he should have given her sooner. Would it have really changed things though or made it more complicated? Had she led him on the night she stole into his room and beckoned him awake with soft kisses carefully placed on his body. He couldn't even remember through his pain – had it been real???  
  
Since when Who am I tryin' to fool I can talk till I'm blue I'm still over the edge And I can't pull out of this spin I haven't stopped thinkin' of her Since when  
  
He certainly felt such a fool now as memories of her tore at his heart. Thoughts of her silk hair laced through his fingers and the softness of her skin made his head spin.  
  
She used to be my whole world My life revolved around hers Maybe it could again Maybe I'll get over this  
  
He would have laid down his life for her, even now still. Even though his mind told him he would never have Shal again in his life, his heart told him to hold on. Maybe, she'd see that she shouldn't be with Jesse. Thoughts of Jesse his own brother betraying him like this probably hurt him the most. Jesse was his friend and confidant and knew that Brennan loved Shal. His mind played tricks again on him as he wondered had he told Jesse of the ring he bought Shal maybe Jesse wouldn't have kissed her back when she kissed him. Maybe he should really blame himself for not saying anything sooner but, it just felt better to blame Jesse right now because Jesse betrayed him.  
  
I can't quit thinking of her I haven't been myself Since when  
  
And deep down he knew that Shal was lost to him forever and that hurt. 


	4. dance with me

Disclaimer: I do not own Mutant X or Rushlow. I did change some of the words in the song to fit this chapter.  
  
Lexa knew Brennan was in pain. She hoped what she was about to do would put a glint of mischief back in his eyes. Just to make him smile a little would make her feel better. Then, with time maybe he would see that she loved him.  
  
"Brennan would you come here please?"  
  
"Lexa is this important?"  
  
"Very important. Brennan would you dance with me?"  
  
He looked at her reluctantly at first but, in the end he obliged her request. For without Shal anymore what could it hurt?  
  
There's an ocean of stars and a sea of moonlight Raining down on us tonight And the whole world through the willows is singin' That song I want to keep my arms around you All night long Just holdin' on  
  
That was her wish that he would hold her all night long. Or gaze into her eyes and see the love she held for him. She knew this dance wouldn't break into his shield of protectiveness he had placed around his heart. If only she could break through his barriers.  
  
Caught up in the motion of your every move So lost in the moment spinning, falling into you I'm everywhere I want to be Your love is all I see When you dance with me  
  
Yes for now she would live in this moment pretending in her mind that he loved her as much as she did him. That she was the one that would wear that ring she caught him playing with everyday and that it had never really been meant for Shal. Yes, while they danced she could imagine that she and Brennan were the only two in sanctuary.  
  
There's a magical moment when you Take my hand A chemistry I don't understand The way our bodies start moving in time The way you move me blows my mind You blow my mind  
  
That is exactly what he did. He blew her mind. He was such a beautiful man. If only she could ease his heart and mind from the painful memories invading it right now.  
  
Dance with me  
  
The song was ending. And so was her moment to be with Brennan. He would go back to playing with that ring and mourning the loss of Shal from his life. He would be in the dojo imaging the holographic images were actually Jesse and he would take so much frustration out on the images that had it really been Jesse well, he would be seriously hurting right now. And for her. She would go back to the shadows that made it safe to watch him from afar.  
  
How could I be so lucky To have you dancin' with me  
  
Of course deep down he knew he reluctantly obliged her request as a need for comfort and a way to hide his pain away for a brief 10 minutes of time. The loneliness she would feel was slowly creeping its way back into her body.  
  
Dance with me When you dance, when you dance with me When you dance, your love is all I need When you dance, when you dance with me When you dance, your love is all I see  
  
The song ended and Lexa let out a reluctant sigh. Her moment was over. She released Brennan from her arms and was about to turn and walk away when she felt his arms encircle her. He pulled her into a deep embrace and she felt herself melt into him. Maybe, this dance and a little more time was all they really needed.  
  
Yes there was hope.... 


	5. the next morning

The next morning:  
  
Brennan walked into the kitchen of sanctuary only to be met by Shalimar and Jesse gazing lovingly at each other. It left him to wonder if he would be able to look at a woman like that. His dance with Lexa had been nice but, he wouldn't and couldn't open himself up just now to another woman. His thoughts were interrupted by Lexa walking in.  
  
"The dominion wants us to check out a warehouse. Apparently they feel there's a very important mutant hiding there. They want Brennan and Jesse to go in. They apparently feel their mutant abilities will be more useful in attaining this mutant. You two will be gone about a week and me and Shalimar will take care of things at sanctuary."  
  
It would be a perfect opportunity actually for her and Shal to talk. While she was having thoughts of her potential talk Brennan was having thoughts of how he and Jesse could co-exist for a week.  
  
A short time later Brennan boarded the double helix, followed shortly by Jesse.  
  
"Well bro' looks like it'll be just me and you for a whole week. It'll give us time to catch up like the old days."  
  
"Yeah" was all Brennan muttered through clenched teeth as Shal came aboard for one last kiss goodbye.  
  
"Jesse be careful, okay. I know this is a simple mission. Go in and get the mutant and bring him back to sanctuary but, I still want you to be careful and not take any unnecessary chances. I would hate for anything to happen to you."  
  
"Shal, don't worry I'll be careful and besides Brennan is coming along. And you know he always watches my back."  
  
"All right then, I'll miss you. Good luck Jesse and you to Brennan. See you both in about a week." With that said she left the helix silently wondering how well the two men would get along. Especially with all that has happened recently. Would Brennan really have Jesse's back if something wrong happened during this simple mission?  
  
Disclaimer: I still don't own anyone or anything related to mutant x. Thank you for all the nice reviews I have gotten. I am glad you are enjoying this story and I hope you continue to. The next two chapters will mainly revolve around the girls. 


	6. Lexa confronts Shal

Disclaimer: I do not own anything or anyone related to mutant x Thank you for your reviews  
  
Shalimar walked into the bedroom she and Jesse had been sharing as of late. She looked at the unmade bed and smiled. She decided to lie down on Jesse's side of the bed as his scent on his pillow bought a smile to her face. She was so happy with Jesse in her life and hoped that nothing would ever destroy that love. She was startled out of her thoughts by a knock on the door. She turned to see Lexa standing in the doorway.  
  
"Can I help you with something Lexa?"  
  
"Shalimar when did you come to the realization that Jesse was the one for you?"  
  
"I'm not quite following you. And, not only that when did it become any of your business? You and Jesse weren't together so you had no hold on him."  
  
"Shalimar on that note you are right. Jesse and I were nothing and in all honesty Jesse is not the reason I asked you the question. Truthfully Brennan is."  
  
"Lexa what are you talking about. Why would you even bring Brennan's name up?"  
  
"Shalimar can you honestly pretend you never knew how Brennan felt about you? Can you keep pretending that you haven't led him on?"  
  
"I never led him on Lexa. At least not intentionally."  
  
"Maybe like you said not intentionally but, yes Shal you did lead him to believe there was a chance for the two of you to be together! You openly flirted with him! Is this something you also choose to turn a blind eye too! Can you deny that Shalimar?! Lexa was shaking as the words spewed out of her mouth. She wanted Shalimar to know the extent of hurt she had placed upon Brennan's heart. And to also hear for her own sake that Shalimar truly loved Jesse and was over Brennan. That she would never make a play for him again.  
  
"Lexa I never intended to lead him on. Honestly at the time I really felt Jesse and I were nothing more than close friends. In my heart I wanted it to be more than a friendship. But, I was afraid to express this love for him; for fear that he didn't feel the same way. Hurting Brennan was never my intention. I guess I flirted with him because I was afraid of someday never having anyone in my life to love. I did and will always care about Brennan however, I love Jesse. And I know Brennan's heart will heal. I know for when I kissed him once and the kiss I received back was not filled with the same warmth and love that Jesse's are."  
  
"Shal I have to tell you one more thing. Did you know he bought you a ring?"  
  
From the expression on Shal's face she knew the answer. She turned and left Shalimar standing there with a tear rolling down her cheek as the full blunt of how Brennan felt sunk in. She would wait now for Shalimar to come speak to her if she wanted to discuss this any further. 


	7. shalimar talks to lexa

Shalimar wept into her pillow that night and for two nights following. She never knew how Brennan felt. For Lexa to throw the 'ring' in her face felt like such a wake up call. She never intended to hurt Brennan. He was her friend. Knowing what she did though she silently wondered would he be her friend ever more? She really needed to know the depth of Lexa's inquisition on the subject. Did Lexa care for Brennan? Was that what had truthfully stemmed their conversation? It would certainly make the days ahead a bit brighter. But, on the other hand if it was Jesse that Lexa wanted-well that was a whole different story. One that provoked such unlikable thoughts in Shal that it made her eyes glow feral. She loved Jesse and if friend or foe ever tried to come between them the fight that would surely ensue would not be one that Shalimar would lose.  
  
She needed to know Lexa's intentions. It had been two nights since their talk and Shalimar wanted answers. She strode out of her room because oh yes tonight come hell or high water Lexa would tell her if it was Brennan or her Jesse that she wanted.  
  
"Lexa we need to talk."  
  
"Shal you're definitely right about that."  
  
"Why do you care so much about Brennan? You've never shown any feelings towards him in the past. You have however shown some interest in Jesse."  
  
"Shal, I care about Jesse, but only as a friend. If I showed any interest in him it was only because I thought YOU wanted Brennan."  
  
Shalimar couldn't help but chuckle at that comment. Which in turn she received a quizzical look from Lexa.  
  
"I'm sorry if you find that funny Shal. Is it because you don't think I'm good enough for either of them. Maybe you want to keep Brennan on the back burner just in case things don't work out between you and Jess?"  
  
"No Lexa I don't have intentions of keeping Brennan on the back burner. And I do think you have potential to be a very good person. I want to try and remain friends with you which is why I am going to tell you this. I laughed because your reasoning for flirting with Jess was the very same reason behind my flirting with Brennan. I never thought Jesse wanted to be with me. I always tensed when I saw him talking to you because in all honestly I thought he wanted to be with you. And, that just made me want to kick your ass for trying to take him from me. I know he was never really mine but, I wanted him to be so much. I shouldn't have flirted with Brennan like I did but, like I said I was scared to be alone and figuring that Jesse would never be with me I did make a play on Bren. I will admit that but, it was never my true intention. I just needed to be brave and admit my true feelings for Jesse. I should have told Jess sooner and this I will regret as it left Brennan with false hopes of us being together. I realized we could never be together and hoped to be able to tell him. I never knew he went out and bought me a ring."  
  
"Shalimar thank you for your honesty. I am really happy for you and Jesse. I do hope that you can sit down with Brennan and find the words to explain this all to him as you have with me. He deserves to know your true feelings about both him and Jess. He needs to have some closure so he can go forward to a future where he will find someone that will love him."  
  
"Are you hoping that the future he can strive for will be one with you Lexa? I'm sorry but, isn't that how you really feel?"  
  
"Maybe Shal, maybe. Well we have about two more days before the guys get back. And all this bonding lately has made me feel a bit down. So let's say me and you order a pizza, split a six-pack and rent a comedy?"  
  
"Sure Lexa I could use a laugh because I feel I'm going to need some happy times before I have to break Brennan's heart all over again. I have hope though seeing as how we could be open and get over this tension that Brennan can find some light in the darkness consuming his heart over this matter."  
  
She was smiling as she went to grab her coat and meet Lexa. However, just as she put it on a thought tugged at her very being. How had Brennan and Jesse spent the past few days? She could hardly wait for the next two days to go by. She needed to see that her friend (Brennan) and her lover were safe.  
  
I hope you are still enjoying this story. Thank you for reviewing. Next chapter will revolve around Brennan and Jesse. Will this be a simple pick up of a new mutant and if something does happen will Brennan have Jesse's back?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything related to mutant x. 


	8. warehouse

Brennan hadn't said much of anything to Jesse for the past few days. Jesse wasn't all that surprised though especially now that he and Shal were together. Jess new that Brennan had a spot for Shal in his heart. He felt guilty knowing that too but, what was he supposed to do – hide his feelings from her. Tell her that he didn't really care about her. That would be such a lie and he couldn't do that. He would have to find a way to convince Brennan that he and Shal were never meant to be and that there were plenty of other women out there for him.  
  
They landed the double helix on the roof of the warehouse and climbed down an outside ladder. Brennan knew that Jess could just faze them into the warehouse but, chose to look for a door instead. Considering how he felt right now towards Jesse it was probably the best course of action. They knew from Lexa that the warehouse had a total of only 5 offices on an upper level of the facility. The main floor was just one big space that used to house shelves before they were removed with the intention of tearing the structure down. Figuring there were only a few office spaces to check out they decided to split up so they could find the mutant faster and get back to sanctuary. This little trip had been straining on both men. Brennan took the 3 smaller offices to the left leaving Jesse with the other two.  
  
Brennan searched the first two offices with no luck in finding anyone or any evidence that anyone had actually been in them either. Jesse on the other hand had better luck in his second office search when he came face to face with the man they were looking for. His name was James and he didn't look like such an important mutant to Jesse. However, looks can be deceiving as Jesse would find out. He COM linked Brennan to let him know he had found James and in which office they were in. It would take Brennan about 7 minutes to get there. But, that was long enough for Jesse to get a little chance to talk to him.  
  
"So why does the dominion want to meet you so bad James?"  
  
"I've got some information on a disk about someone in their organization that is trying to sabotage it. There are actually a few people in the group but this information is on the ringleader. And, the only way I'm going to give it to them is for the right money and a trip out of this country. Someplace warm where no one can bother me."  
  
"Sounds like a nice plan actually."  
  
Brennan walked in just then.  
  
"Well, can we get this show on the road? I'd like to get back to sanctuary as quick as possible and having to drop you off at the safe house isn't going to make that any quicker if we stand around here talking all day."  
  
"Sorry Brennan, just trying to pass the time until you got here" Jesse said.  
  
Just then three men came in to the office. The leader looked at the three men and demanded to know which one was James. He said that they followed the COM link signature of Brennan's to help them find the location and grab the new mutant. James recognized that one of the men was from the video which he was going to hand over to the dominion. Realizing this and fearing he had been set up by Brennan and Jesse he grabbed something out of his coat pocket. It turned out to be a gun and before Jesse could mass himself James shot him at close range and ran out of the room by phasing through the wall.  
  
Brennan looked at his friend lying on the floor bleeding. He knew he had to get him to a doctor because no matter what he was a friend but, the thought crossed his mind that if he did just leave Jesse and tell Shalimar that he died from being shot would she come back to him?  
  
Thank you for all your reviews. I had trouble with this chapter and it may be not so good. But, I hope you enjoy it still and I will update as soon as I can. Had to get a new keyboard because the puppy I have ate the cord. Let me know actually if you think I should end it or go on with a few more chapters.  
  
I don't own anyone or anything related to mutant x. 


	9. returning to sanctuary

Shalimar could sense something was wrong when Lexa told her Brennan had called on his comring to say the mutant had gotten away thanks to two guys from the dominion. He said he'd fill them in on more when he got there. Shalimar had actually been out when he called so Lexa relayed the conversation back to her. Lexa assured her that everything else was fine though. However, Shal still had a feeling there was something that Brennan wasn't saying. She wanted to believe everything was fine but, still could not wait till Brennan and Jesse were back so she could see it with her own eyes. She knew that they would still be gone for a day so she went to find Lexa to be reassured again that everything was okay.  
  
"Lexa are you sure Brennan said everything was okay?"  
  
"Yes Shal stop worrying. The only reason I didn't talk to Jesse is because Brennan said he was sleeping. If something was wrong he would have said. He isn't hiding anything because everything is fine. The only thing that didn't go as planned was getting the mutant they went to pick up."  
  
"I can't help it. Something is bugging me and I can't put my finger on it. I felt such a connection with Jesse before he left and now I feel as if the connection has been broken somehow."  
  
"It's probably just because you haven't seen him in a week and you're excited because he'll be home soon. He's pretty much been at the center of every conversation we've had since he's been gone."  
  
"Okay you're probably right about that. I am excited to see him. It feels like he's been gone forever."  
  
"Go get some beauty rest Shal so you can look your best for when he gets back."  
  
"You better take your own advice on that. I'll help you find something really nice to wear so that Brennan will surely notice."  
  
They both parted ways and went to get some sleep both dreaming of what lay ahead for them tomorrow.  
  
Meanwhile in the helix, Brennan wondered to himself if he should have told them about Jesse? What would Shal's reaction be when he got back to sanctuary?  
  
I don't own anyone or anything related to Mutant X.  
  
Thank you for all your reviews as it definitely gives me inspiration to continue with this story. 


	10. homecoming

Shalimar woke up early the next day eager for the hour when Jesse would be in her arms once more. She could hardly wait. Of course she also knew her and Brennan would have to talk. She dreaded breaking his heart again but it needed to be done. He needed closure to heal. She smiled to herself knowing that Lexa would be there to comfort him. She was excited because to waste some time she and Lexa were going shopping for new clothes.  
  
After showering and dressing she went to look for Lexa. The guys would be home by six and it was now 8:30. She wanted to get going by 9 so they could get everything ready. They had decided that together they would make a special dinner. So Shalimar was off in search of Lexa. She could've used her com ring to locate her but, she didn't want to chance a slip up for fear the guys would hear and know what was happening. She found Lexa in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee.  
  
"Well Lexa are you ready to go shopping?"  
  
"I don't suppose you'll let me finish my coffee first?"  
  
"Oh, alright if you really must I suppose it'll be fine."  
  
"Sorry Shal I didn't sleep very well. I'm very nervous about telling Brennan how I feel. Aren't you a bit nervous yourself about talking to him yourself?"  
  
"I am a bit nervous about it of course but, I'm more excited about Jesse coming home. And of course finding you a new outfit today that will surely get a rise out of Brennan. Speaking of the new outfit we really should be going. Don't forget we're also making them a special dinner. I figure we can make them some prime rib, baked potatoes with some dinner rolls and salad. And I am going to make a fabulous dessert also. We should also pick up a nice bottle of wine."  
  
"I guess we should get going then. Sounds like we've got quite a few stops to make."  
  
Lexa quickly finished her coffee and then she was off to finish getting ready. By 10:30 they were finally on their way. It would be 4 o'clock when they finally arrived back at sanctuary loaded down with bags of new clothes and food to make for tonight. They quickly set about getting everything ready so that when the helix landed both men would be happily surprised to find a beautifully set dinner table and both women dressed spectacularly. Shal was the one that actually set the table up for dinner. She had decided that she would set it for two Lexa and Brennan and she and Jesse would take theirs to their room they were now sharing for a private dinner between them. She hoped Lexa wouldn't mind. She just figured it would be a nice way for her and Brennan to be alone and talk. And if Lexa could finally tell Brennan her true feelings by the time Shalimar talked to him it would perhaps be easier on them all. Her thoughts were interrupted by Lexa letting her know the helix was docking. She felt like a five year old on Christmas Eve anticipating the arrival of Santa Claus as she sprinted down the stairs to join Lexa. When she got to the landing bay she saw that Brennan was already off the helix. And from the expression on his and Lexa's faces she could tell something was wrong. Tears started to well up in her eyes and all she could think was where was Jesse and why hadn't he gotten off of the helix?  
  
I don't own anyone or anything related to Mutant X.  
  
Thank you for reviewing and please keep letting me know how you like the story. Sorry I haven't really given any indication on Jesse and if he is all right. 


	11. Jesse's condition

Brennan heard the soft sobbing coming from Shalimar and turned to look towards her. It broke his heart to see her in distress like this. He needed to go to her and tell her everything that had occurred.  
  
Lexa looked sad as Brennan walked away from her and towards Shal.  
  
"Shal can we go somewhere to talk?"  
  
"Brennan why can't you just tell me here what happened to Jesse?"  
  
"He got shot Shal. I'm sorry. I took him to a doctor that Adam knew. I thought maybe he could help him more than we could if I had bought him back to sanctuary. Why don't you go change and I'll take you to him."  
  
"So he's not dead then? When I saw you and not him I just figured something had happened like he was dead."  
  
"Shal he isn't dead but, he isn't doing well either. So go and get changed so we can go."  
  
Shal went to change and Brennan and Lexa waited for her to return to the hangar bay. While they waited Brennan took in the sights around him.  
  
"You look really nice tonight Lexa. Was there a special occasion I wasn't aware of?"  
  
"Actually you were the special occasion Bren. I or should I say Shal and I even made a special dinner for tonight. She was kind of working towards setting us up. I noticed when I was putting dinner away that she had only set out 2 plates."  
  
"I don't really know what to say Lexa."  
  
"Don't worry you don't have to say anything. I really wasn't expecting anything to happen between us. I know how you feel about Shalimar. I confronted her you know. Told her that I felt horrible for how she led you on for so long. She really didn't mean to Brennan. Hard to believe this but our dear feral friend was afraid of two things. One was being alone and the other was telling Jesse that she really loved him. She was afraid that he didn't care for her the same way. I'm probably overstepping some boundaries telling you all this. But, I just felt you should know. I mean Shalimar was planning on telling you all this herself also but, under the circumstances I just feel like giving you some heads up on everything. But, back to why she did flirt back and forth with you. It goes back to her not wanting to be alone and seeing as you returned her feelings she figured it was easy to hide her true feelings and go for a sure thing. I hope you can find some understanding from this and forgive her."  
  
"Well now I'm really at a loss for words. Thank you though for letting me know all that. I'm not sure right now how to process all of the information."  
  
There conversation was ended by the arrival of Shalimar.  
  
"I'm ready to go. Let's go to Jesse."  
  
"I'll take you there but, I have to tell you two things that the doctor told me. The bullet hit Jesse very close to his spine possibly severing some of the disks located in his spine. He's also in a coma Shal. The doctor figures that is due to the extreme trauma on his body. He may or may not wake up ever Shalimar. And if he does depending on what damage the bullet actually did do to his spine he may never walk again."  
  
Shalimar was in shock by what Brennan had just told her. She didn't know how to respond to that news. She did know however the outcome she would stay with Jesse no matter what. She was so upset with herself for taking to long to tell Jesse and happy for the few months they were together. She knew Jesse would wake up and be okay. She would help him and stay by his side. That she knew. She smiled because she knew things were going to be just fine and that even if Jesse never woke up she would always have a part of him. 


	12. Tears and dinner

Shalimar walked up to Jesse's sleeping form. He looked so pale and fragile it broke her heart.  
  
"Oh my sweet Jesse, I know you're going to come back to me. You just have to. I can't lose you now that I've finally come to terms with my feelings for you. I need you so in my life so much."  
  
She sat down in the chair beside his bed and took his hand in hers. His hand was still cold probably an effect of the blood loss he had suffered. A lone tear rolled down her cheek portraying her tender side she rarely wanted to show. The few times she had the tears had been for lost loved ones in her life. So she decided that she would choke back any future tears because she didn't want to think thoughts of losing Jesse right now. All she wanted was for him to wake up, take her in his arms and press his lips to hers. Then she would allow herself to cry again for those tears would be strictly tears of happiness.  
  
She laid her head upon his chest and listened to the slow but steady beat of his heart. She thought of the beauty of his heart then. Beautiful for it had touched so many lives in a positive way and yet scarred from the many times his father had promised to be there for him and yet never was. Even though she felt distaste for that man right now she knew he would still have a right to know about Jesse and all that had happened so tomorrow she would ask Lexa and Brennan to find a way to relay info to him through his contacts. Tonight though she didn't want to share him with anyone.  
  
**Outside corridor**:  
  
"Do you think we should go in by them Brennan?"  
  
"No, I think Shal should be allowed to be alone with him for now. Lexa seeing as your dinner plans were ruined would you like to grab a bite to eat with me. I saw a diner around the corner and I think I could use some coffee right now if nothing else."  
  
"Sure that sounds okay." Even though Lexa had really lost her appetite since the moment the helix landed in the docking bay she decided that just being alone with Brennan right now would be pleasant.  
  
**The diner:  
**  
When they arrived at the diner Brennan ordered food for the both of them and coffees. As their waitress went to fill the orders Brennan decided to finally really look at Lexa. She really was very pretty and he felt bad that her plans for the evening were ruined even though they were plans to spend with him anyway and that was what was happening right now.  
  
"So Lexa anything new happen around here besides you and Shalimar doing your girl things?"  
  
"No nothing out of the ordinary especially in the way of new mutant activity." She kicked herself as she saw the cringed reaction of her statement on his face. "I'm sorry Brennan."  
  
"It's okay. It's just that I wonder if I could have prevented it from happening. You know I keep playing it over and over again in my mind – did I miss any warning signs?"  
  
"Brennan I'm sure if there had been a way to prevent it you would have found it."  
  
"I'm kind of ashamed to admit though that I was distracted by thoughts of Shalimar and how much I truly resent Jesse for taking her away from me. Truly from what you told me she really never wanted to be with my as a first choice. But, that is what keeps me wondering. Did my anger and resentment cloud my judgment?"  
  
He stopped talking as their food arrived. They ate silently rather than risk anymore on this topic of conversation. Brennan for fear that he truly wasn't as upset as he should be over what happened. And Lexa was just at a loss for words. If she said the wrong thing it would just further enhance Brennan's guilt over the whole situation. A situation in her mind that she felt he most likely could not have prevented even if he hadn't been upset with Jesse at the time.  
  
I still do not own anyone or anything related to mutant x. I hope that you will review the story and let me know how you think it is coming along. 


	13. 2 days later

_**2 days later:**  
_  
The past few days had come and gone with Jesse still in a coma. Lexa and Brennan had located his father and told him everything. Noah told them he'd get there as quickly as he could however; he first had to finish the assignment he was on. When Lexa relayed the information back to Shal she was very disheartened up hearing that. Shalimar barely left Jesse's side which was somewhat a bit of concern to Lexa and Brennan. They would bring her food which they knew she rarely ate. Aside from force feeding her they just had to hope Jesse would wake up soon and things would start returning to a bit or normalcy.  
  
Shalimar really just wanted to be alone with Jesse. She was afraid that if she did leave him he would wake up in a strange place with no one familiar there. She talked to him everyday because she truly felt that even though he couldn't respond to her he could hear her and know that she is here waiting for him. She was grateful to her friends for bringing her something to eat so that she wouldn't have to leave. Of course seeing Brennan everyday she was reminded that she still had to talk with him and couldn't avoid him forever. She needed to come clean about her feelings. Now however, was not a good time to talk with him especially since she was harboring feelings of distrust in him. She felt that maybe he could have prevented Jesse from getting hurt and that his feelings for her clouded his better judgment and that was why Jesse truly got hurt. Because without him Brennan would possibly have a chance to get back with Shalimar and she knew in her heart that it probably wasn't true but her pattern of thinking lately was clouded with fear of Jesse never waking up.  
  
**_Later in the week at sanctuary:_**  
  
"C'mon Shal open the door. We really need to talk."  
  
Shalimar had come back to sanctuary to shower and change clothes before going back to see Jesse. She had finally allowed herself the option of leaving his bedside. She slowly opened the door and let Brennan enter her room.  
  
"Listen Shalimar I want to know what's going on. Why are you avoiding me? Be honest with me also because you owe me that much."  
  
"You're right I owe you that. I knew eventually I'd have to talk to you. I was just more concerned with Jesse. I feel horrible for not being honest with you and telling you my feelings for Jesse. I had been harboring them so long and should have come clean well before this. For that I am apologetic. I've truly loved him all along and never told him because I feared he didn't feel the same way. I guess I took advantage of your love for me and mislead you. It was never my intention to do that Brennan. I hope someday you can forgive me for that. If you can't though I will have to come to accept that. I know I really don't even have a right to ask your forgiveness but, I am."  
  
"I am really upset with you on that subject Shal. I wish you could have been honest with me from the start. I'm sure someday I will forgive you for everything. Right now the pain in my heart over this whole situation is a bit unbearable. You are always going to be a part of my life even if it can only be in friendship. I know you well enough though to know something else is bothering you. And whatever it is, it's the real reason you're avoiding me. I think that reason is that you think I could have prevented what happened to Jesse. You truly blame me for Jesse getting hurt."  
  
Shalimar tried to open her mouth and protest his statement about Jesse but, Brennan put a finger to her lips so he could continue.  
  
"You can deny it all you want Shal but, I know in your heart you feel that way. I play the scene in my head over and over every night. It can cause a pretty sleepless night sometimes. Did I hope that something would happen because then he'd be out of the way and maybe there'd be a chance for us to be together? Maybe part of me did. I honestly don't know. Lexa keeps trying to reassure me that it was and unpreventable tragedy. I have to keep telling myself it was. Other thoughts have crossed my mind also. Was our mutant so quick that Jesse didn't have time to phase? Then it would mean that I could have done nothing to prevent it. I really hope Jesse wakes up soon."  
  
Brennan closed the door behind him quietly. Inside the room Shalimar fell on the bed in tears. Tears she swore she'd never cry. However, these tears were for Brennan and all the hurt she had caused him.  
  
In the hallway Lexa had heard everything and she felt tears well in her eyes also.  
  
Across town Jesse moved his right hand.  
  
**_I disabled the block on anonymous reviews. I though I had originally done so but, upon checking saw that I hadn't. Please review and let me know what you think so far. Thank you to everyone that has reviewed so far.  
  
I still don't own anyone or anything related to Mutant X._**


	14. I can't feel my legs

Lexa went to Shalimar's door and knocked.  
  
"Come in Lexa."  
  
"How'd you know it was me?"  
  
"I'm a feral remember? You shouldn't be all that amazed that I knew it was you."  
  
Lexa jumped back a bit shocked by Shalimar's sarcasm.  
  
"Look Lexa, I'm sorry and I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just that I hate when people think they can read me. Brennan apparently thinks I'm very readable. He thinks that I am angry with him for not preventing this tragedy from happening to Jess. And do you want to know something Lexa he was right. I do blame him. I have no right to blame him but deep down I do blame him! What the hell is wrong with me? All the signs point to him not being able to stop it. If it could have been stopped then Jesse would have surely fazed to prevent himself from getting injured. Right? Why didn't he faze Lexa?"  
  
"Because it happened to quickly that's why Shal. You said it yourself. If Jess could have fazed he would have and if Brennan could have prevented it he would have."  
  
"You know what really hurts is that Brennan was right about me. I should be ashamed at myself for not only betraying his heart but for thinking he could have saved me from all this torment by stopping James from shooting him. I hate myself for feeling this way. My emotions are so screwed up right not. I've hurt Brennan. I want to go and find this James person and kill him myself but of course neither you nor Brennan will tell me his name!"  
  
"And in your state of mind which you admitted yourself is totally screwed up right now, do you honestly believe telling you his last name is an option worth exploring right now? Believe me Shal it's not the road I'm willing to take with you right now. Especially when the outcome could possibly be your death."  
  
"Help me then Lexa. I feel so lost right now. I don't know who to turn to for help especially when the list of people that I could turn to is so limited. I don't have my family to fall back on. Adam and Emma are gone and I've probably lost Brennan too. I'm so sure he hates me right now. I don't blame him if he does. And even though I can talk to Jesse it's not the same when he can't answer me back. Lexa you and I have never been all that close but if you ever stop talking to me...."  
  
Shal burst into tears unable to finish. Lexa sat down by her and tried comforting her.  
  
"It's going to be okay Shal. I promise that I will talk to you as long as you like. I mean like you said we haven't really been all that close but, lately we have talked more than in the past. Brennan is upset right now but, I know he will never stop being your friend. And in time you will be able to sit and talk alone again without so much tension in the air. He's always going to be there for you. And Shal look at me and have faith when I tell you Jesse will be okay. Your love for him alone will help pull him through this. It will give him the strength to overcome any outcome from his injury."  
  
With a reassuring smile she rose off the bed.  
  
"I'm going to the kitchen to make something to eat and you ma'am are coming with me. Do you honestly feel all Jesse wants to see when he wakes up is a skeleton in the place of the woman he loves?"  
  
"No, I think he'd be pretty upset with me for not taking proper care of myself."  
  
"All right then lets go get something to eat." With that said Lexa grabbed her arm and led her to the kitchen. They found Brennan there already. Soon all three were sitting around eating and talking about a whole lot of nothing. The only exception was that there were three and there should be four. Just then the phone rang. Shal jumped up eager to answer it but was pulled back down by Lexa.  
  
"Shalimar let the machine get it."  
  
"What if it's the doctor calling us about Jesse?"  
  
"It's not."  
  
"And how do you know this Brennan?"  
  
"Because I gave him my cell number and told him to call that with news first. That way we'd know it was definitely news about Jesse as opposed to calling the regular phone because we screen the calls to that number."  
  
"Okay then, there you have it Shal. Now let's finish eating."  
  
"Fine, mother," she said with a smirk on her face and a gleam in her eyes. It was a reassuring sight to Lexa to see that on her again.  
  
**_Meanwhile at the clinic:  
_**  
"Where did I put that number? I can't believe I misplaced it. Brennan told me to put it somewhere safe so I could call it right away when there was a change in Jesse's condition." Although he knew he was the only one in the clinic and talking out loud to the air was foolish he couldn't stop himself.  
  
"I might just as well continue trying the regular phone at sanctuary."  
While he continued to try calling Jesse in the other room had opened his eyes trying to take in his unfamiliar surroundings. All he could think was where was he, why did he have a fuzzy feeling going on in his head right now and why couldn't he feel his legs. He decided to see if he was truthfully alone by calling out a weak but audible hello.  
  
The doctor who was only in the next room cam rushing in.  
  
"Well, well look who finally woke up. Tell me Jesse how do you feel?"  
  
"I can feel some pain but nothing unbearable," which he was sure the medication dripping from the I.V. was helping with the pain issues at the moment. I can't feel my legs though."  
  
The doctor could see the fear in the young mans eyes and tried to reassure him that it was only temporary.  
  
"You've been unconscious for a few days and that is probably just a temporary reaction of your body to help it heal. I'm betting even though you've been unconscious for a while you're feeling a bit sleepy. So I want you to rest and when you wake up Shalimar will have returned."  
  
Jesse smiled when he heard her name. He did feel sleepy and soon had drifted back into an unconscious slumber. This was a good thing because he might not have liked the doctors' next statement.  
  
"She'll be here even if I have to go to sanctuary and bring her back myself."  
  
_**Thank you for the reviews.  
  
I still do not own anyone or anything related to Mutant X.**_


	15. Shal gets a phone call

**I do not own anyone or anything related to Mutant X.**

**Sorry this has taken me so long to update. I hope people are actually still interested in it and will take some time to review it. Thank you to everyone that has reviewed so far**.

Shalimar didn't care anymore that Brennan had told her to let the machine answer the phone. It was 12:15 in the morning and the phone was really starting to hurt her ears. Besides the fact that it had been ringing off and on for the past 4 hours.

Instead of a cheery hello on the other line all the doctor heard was a very annoyed and upset Shalimar.

"This had better be good. Do you realize what time it is?"

"This is Doctor Stevens. I am calling about Jesse Kilmartin. I'd like to speak to Shalimar Fox if she is available."

Shalimar's heart started doing flip flops. She wondered if he was calling with good news or bad news but, still couldn't find it in herself to speak.

"Are you still there?'

"Yes, yes I am. I'm so sorry. This is Shalimar. Is Jesse okay?"

"He woke up Shalimar and was wondering if you would like to come see him?"

"Of course I'd love that. I'll leave right now."

"Oh why don't you get a few more hours of sleep. Mr. Kilmartin isn't going anywhere very soon. And right now he himself is sleeping. Why don't you come oh say around 8 a.m.? Then we can talk some more and I'm also very sure that he'll be awake by then."

"I'll be there right away in the morning. Thank you so much for calling Dr. Stevens."

They hung their phones up simultaneously. Shalimar was so happy that Jesse was going to be okay that she needed to tell someone. So she went and woke Lexa.

"Lexa you're never going to believe who just called on the phone."

"Shalimar are you insane?! Do you have a clue as to what time it is?!"

"Sorry Lexa I wouldn't have woken you but, I was just so excited by the phone call that I needed to tell someone about it."

"Fine who called Shal?"

"Dr. Stevens called and said that Jesse had woken up. I mean he's sleeping of course now because as you pointed out it is early in the morning and people should be sleeping at this time. But, isn't that wonderful news Lexa. Jesse is awake and I need to be at Dr. Steven's office by 8."

"Oh, Shal I'm happy that he's awake and I can't wait to see you two reunited. I know Brennan will be happy. He's been feeling guilty about this whole situation."

"Yeah and I know it's partially my fault about that. I'll apologize to him a million times over. I was just really worried about Jesse."

"Brennan understands all that Shal. Now can we please get some sleep? We have a few hours before we need to leave and you better get some sleep also otherwise while Jesse's awake talking to me and Brennan you'll be the one sleeping."

"When you're right you're right Lexa. Thank you for not being to mad that I woke you. I'll see you later this morning okay."

Shalimar was able to fall asleep and finally with a smile on her face and happy thoughts in her head.


	16. Pondering Jesse's condition

_Sorry that I haven't updated this story in a long time. I'm hoping that people will still be interested in reading it. My disclaimers are still the same in that I don't own anyone or anything related to Mutant X._

Shalimar rushed to get dressed. She was going to be able to see Jesse today and she was so excited. She could hardly sleep at all because she was afraid that if she closed her eyes she would come to believe everything had been a dream. That the Doctor hadn't really called her and told her Jesse had woken up at all. She also couldn't decide on what to wear at all. She wanted to look nice but, she also just wanted to throw on a t-shirt and jeans and get on over to the clinic and hold Jesse in her arms and kiss him until they were both breathless. She wanted to look again into his beautiful eyes and witness all the love he held for her in them. However, nothing would prepare her for what lay ahead at the clinic. For how would she really feel when she found out Jesse no longer could walk?

"Come on Shal. We need to get a move on." That would be Lexa yelling at her and she knew that when Lexa demanded something you did it rather than facing the consequences so she threw on some jeans and a plain t-shirt after all and hurried to meet her friends.

It only took a short while to get to the clinic but, to Shalimar it felt as if it had taken forever. She wondered if what she was feeling was how a woman feels on her wedding day all full of happiness yet a frazzle of nerves. She shouldn't feel this nervous after all.

They walked into the clinic and were greeted by Dr. Stevens.

He could guess immediately which of the two women was Shalimar by the way she was beaming. He walked over to her and clasped her hand in his and then asked if she would please come with him as he wanted to discuss some things with her before she actually went and spoke with Jesse. He directed her into a small room that actually appeared to be no bigger than an office cubicle but, then again the whole clinic was quite small.

"Shalimar, what I need to tell you is actually very important. I need to know that your reaction to what I say isn't going to hinder Jesse's recovery at all."

A thousand things went through her head just then. What could possibly be so wrong that her reaction would have such an impact on Jesse's very well being?

"What is wrong with him Doctor? I thought you had said that he woke up and everything was going to be fine. But, now you're telling me that there is something wrong and if I react badly to the news it could affect Jesse's recovery. Please tell me what I need to know."

"Jesse woke up as I informed you however; he mentioned to me that he had no feeling in his legs. I thought maybe it was a delayed reaction of sorts and that the feeling would come back to him again. When I went and talked to him shortly before your arrival however, he informed me that he still hasn't any feeling in his legs and this is making him quite nervous. I know you are probably wondering why your reaction would hinder him at all as I know you love him. If you go in there though with any doubt of being with someone that may never walk again then walk out the door right now. It will be painful for him of course but, in the long run it will be better now for you to leave than later. Do you understand what I'm telling you Shalimar? This is going to be difficult for both of you. Another thing that I need to tell you is that if you remain together you may never have children together. I need you to take in everything I have told you. I'll give you some time and then come and find out your decision."

Shalimar watched the doctor go and tried to absorb everything he had just said. Jesse may never walk again and was she truly ready to be with a man that would need so much taking care of. Her hand instinctively went to her stomach as his other words sunk in that they may never have a child together. However, that wouldn't be a problem. The only problem would be would Jesse be able to help parent the child they had already been blessed with?

_Thank you for all the reviews I have gotten on this story so far. I hope people will please review and let me know your opinions on this story_.

**RACH**-I hope you like the update. Thanks for inspiring me to add more to this story.

**MELODIE568**-thank you for your review. I hope you like this chapter.

**GAURI**-You're welcome for the S/J pairing. They are my favorite pairing.

**BW53086**-Sorry for waiting so long to update. I hope you will still read this story and review on it.

**CATWOMEN88**-I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you for reviewing.

**FEREL'S REVENGE**-Sorry that it took so long for me to update. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.


	17. Shalimar's decision

I do not own anyone or anything related to mutant x.

Shalimar was dazed thinking about what the doctor had told her. Thinking about everything the doctor had said to her was making her head hurt. She loved Jesse so much and hated the fact that it took so long for them to get together and then for this to happen. Was their relationship just meant to be doomed – for them to never be together and happy? Would she be happy if she just walked out that door and never looked back, leaving Jesse and mutant x forever. Her hand instinctively went to her stomach as she thought about how much her unborn child would miss if they never knew Jesse, making her decision for her as she saw Dr. Stevens approaching her.

"Shalimar have you thought of everything I have told you and are you ready to make a decision?"

The tears welled in her eyes and Shalimar looked to the heavens knowing there was no real answer there for what she needed to do.

"I need to tell you Dr. Steven's that I have thought long and hard about this. I not only took into consideration my feelings but, also the feelings of the child I'm carrying." She heard the catch in the doctors voice as the words that she stated sunk in.

"Shalimar stop right there and let me absorb what you've just told me. Are you telling me that you're already pregnant? That's great news. I mean truthfully I think you should tell Jesse this information so that he knows and maybe it will help him towards a speedier recovery. I mean it will be a hard rode ahead for both of you but, I think you two together with this bond of a baby between you can overcome all the obstacles that face you in the future."

"I thought about that to. I mean Jesse would be a great father regardless if he can walk or not. And I love him with all my heart and want to stand by him through all of this. I just hope that he sees the positive in this and doesn't leave me thinking that he is burdening me and our child with his possible handicap."

"Well, the best advice I can give both of you is not to give up on each other unless you truly feel that it's the only way for both of you together to have a happy life apart from one another. And, keep in mind that in the future you will have to account for your actions to that little baby that you're carrying."

"I will tell you my first instinct was to walk out that door and never look back. But, you're right I came to my senses and at least told myself that I need to tell Jesse about the baby and talk everything out with him and come to a decision together. Whether it's one were we spend our lives together or whether we go our own way?"

"Well, Jesse's awake now and if you'd like I can make sure no one disturbs you for a while."

"That would be great and thank you. I'm ready to get this over with whatever the outcome may be. Just promise you'll be nearby if it goes bad and I need a shoulder to cry on Doctor."

"I think everything will be fine Shalimar. Have faith."

With that Shalimar slowly rose up and walked towards Jesse as thoughts swirled in her head as to what would happen if Jesse rejected her and their baby.

Thank you for reading and I'm sorry that it's been a while for an update. I finally got my muse back and have a feeling as to where this story is going now.


	18. Talking to Jesse

I don't own anyone or anything related to mutant x.

Even though it was a short distance to where she needed to go, with each step she took it felt more and more like she was walking through concrete. She knew in her heart she needed to do this but, it was still difficult.

"Jesse?" It came out quieter than she expected so she cleared her throat and spoke a little louder. "Jesse, it's me Shal."

Jesse lifted his head and looked at the most beautiful sight in the world. His beloved Shalimar was here.

"Shalimar, I wasn't sure you'd actually be here. I mean the doctor said you were coming but, I still for some reason weren't sure you'd actually show. God, I'm sorry I must sound really stupid right now and I feel like I've been away from you so long and God Shalimar, I'm sorry that I'm rambling like an idiot. It's just that you're so beautiful and I don't deserve you, especially now. I have too."

"Jesse, stop I know what you're going to say. The doctor told me everything and I won't lie to you because you don't deserve that. I love you first and foremost and I wasn't sure how to take the news that you may never get the feeling back in your legs again."

"Shal, whoa, feelings in my legs what are you talking about? The doctor said that this condition may be just temporary from being unconscious and all. Now, I'm hearing that it might be permanent."

"Oh, my God, Jesse I thought the doctor had told you everything. I would never have said anything had I known this. Jesse please tell me you're not mad at me about this."

"Shalimar I love you but, I have to tell you something."

Had Shalimar been looking up she would have noticed the twinkle in Jesse's eye as he spoke to her. Her heart was sinking at the last words he had spoken and tears started to well up in her eyes.

Thank you for reading and please review if you'd like.


	19. Jesse's surprise

I own nothing or anyone related to mutant x

Jesse was looking at Shalimar silently willing that he could get up and put his arms around her.

"Shalimar please don't cry."

"I can't help it Jesse. I'm just overly emotional right now and I'm scared that you'll leave me and our unborn child."

There the words were spoken and she raised her head to see his response. There were tears in his eyes as the words sunk in. She was pregnant, pregnant with his child. They were going to be parents. Something he never deemed possible.

"Shalimar, you're pregnant?"

"Yes, and I wasn't sure how to tell you or how you'd react to the news. I mean when the doctor told me you might never walk again I was devastated. I honestly didn't know if I'd be able to stay with you or if I should walk away and raise this child alone. But, you deserved to know and I need you to know that I love you with every part of my being. I knew in the back of my mind that I could never leave you no matter what. I mean it took so long for us to get together. I will not give up on us even if you want to."

"Shalimar, who says I want to give up on us. As long as were being honest truthfully I thought I cannot burden you with myself being unable to feel my legs. I couldn't leave you though. You are the most beautiful thing in my life and I will be there for you no matter what lays ahead for us. I mean at least we can be honest with each other and overcome the fact that you would not leave me even if I were handicapped. And, I could never leave you for anything. I would work my hardest to overcome any obstacle as long as you are a part of my life."

"Wait, Jesse you said even if you were handicapped?"

"Exactly, Shal I felt my legs when I woke again. I think it was just from the medication and all but, I can feel them."

"Oh, Jesse I love you and I would have stayed with you even if you couldn't walk, hear, or see, anything anymore, I love you so much Jesse."

Shalimar had tears in her eyes but, this time they were happy tears. Tears telling of a brighter tomorrow and a love that could withstand anything thrown their way? Yes there was nothing but brighter days ahead for the two of them. Tomorrow they could tell Brennan and Lexa but, for now it was the two of them and nothing else mattered.

Please review

This story is not over yet but, a happy note seemed in order. How will Brennan and Lexa react to news of a baby and are Shalimar and Jesse truly destined for happiness or could more complications be thrown there way. Wait and see and truly let me know what you think. Should I actually continue and answer the questions above or end with an epilogue and be done?


	20. Brennan's reaction to the news

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything related to mutant x

Jesse had to wait 2 more months before he was allowed to go back to Sanctuary. He could hardly wait to get there and spend some alone time with Shalimar. After all, it wouldn't be too much longer before their baby arrived. Jesse thought back to when Shalimar and he had told Lexa and Brennan about the baby. Lexa had appeared happy for them however, Brennan seemed at a loss for words. Jesse hoped that things would be better now for everyone. Brennan and Shalimar appeared to be getting along. And, Lexa and Shal were getting along extremely well. As a matter of fact the baby seemed to be bringing the 2 women closer as the day came nearer.

As Jesse lay there one last time in the cold sterile environment of the clinic he pondered exactly what reaction Brennan had when they announced the news to him of the baby….

_"Brennan, come in here please." It was Shalimar's voice that brought Brennan out of his thoughts. He had watched Lexa go in the room first reemerging with a smile on her face. _

_Brennan looked up, smile on his face and responded with "coming Shalimar."_

_"Brennan, Jesse and I have some news to tell you. We're going to be having a baby."_

_Her face was beaming and all Brennan could think was that how he wished it were his child that Shalimar were carrying. He felt nothing but guilt over this but, he still could not get over the fact that Shalimar didn't love him and that she loved Jesse. Jesse was someone that Brennan had always considered a dear friend but, now all he felt was hatred deep down and he knew it was wrong to feel this way and he wished with all his will that he didn't still have these feelings but, he did._

_He was snapped back from his thoughts by the sound of Shalimar softly speaking his name and shaking his shoulder. _

_"Oh, sorry guys of course I feel so happy for the both of you. So, are you guys still going to stay at sanctuary or are you going to be looking for that house in the suburbs with the white picket fence and all that. You know a little dog." Brennan stopped speaking as he felt now that he was being foolish and rambling._

_"Well, we were still hoping to stay at sanctuary with you and Lexa but, if you think it would be better for us to move out."_

_"Whoa, no Shal, Jess I think it would be great for you to stay at sanctuary. Be one big happy family right. I mean that's the way it's always been you and Jess brother and sister… oh wait that's right you and Jesse really aren't brother and sister! You just made it seem like that was the relationship between the both of you. Lead people on that was the game plan. Never mind anyone else's feelings. Oh, God Shal I'm sorry I don't know were all this is coming from. I mean I thought everything was going to be okay and that I was truly okay with all of this – I mean you and Jesse of course, and then now you throw the fact that you've created a life between the two of you. I don't know what I'm truly feeling anymore? I'm just confused and I truly am happy for the both of you and I'm going to work on these little outbursts. Truly, I am."_

_Shalimar and Jesse just looked at each other as the words that had been spoken sunk in. Shalimar was near tears as she watched Brennan leave the room shoulders slumped and head hanging low. _

_It had taken Jesse about an hour to truthfully get Shalimar to calm down after Brennan's outburst._

Now, as Jesse lay here he truthfully hoped that things would be okay as he went back to sanctuary. He knew in his heart however, that things would take a very long time for him and Brennan to truly get to the friendship they once had but, he hoped over time it would come back. But, soon enough he would be back at sanctuary and see what ramifications lay ahead for all.

Well, for those who are still following this story here is your next chapter. Do I keep them coming? Please review and let me know and thanks for the reviews that I have gotten.


	21. Lexa

Lexa

Lexa was in shock at hearing Brennan's reaction to the news of the baby. How dare he react like that? She knew it took a lot for her to open up and start forming closer relationships with anyone, but he has been with Shalimar and Jesse for so long. To react like that and treat his friends with such utter distaste was horrible in her opinion. And, talk about being blind and dumb. Couldn't he see that with Jesse and Shalimar hooking up it gave him time to go out and smooth talk any bright eyed naïve little girl he wanted. Of course in all truthfulness she wished he'd really want a woman…a brown eyed, brown haired woman that had secretly since meeting the elemental wished he'd want her.

It was easier to be a b***ch to cover up the true emotions she felt for him. She was startled back out of her thoughts by that man as he walked past her grumbling that if she wanted a lift to sanctuary she had better come now.

She boarded the helix with a bit of apprehension. She could tell by the look of dejection in his eyes that it might not be such a great time to say anything. But, when had she ever been good at keeping quiet or following rules. There were many things Lexa wasn't a good follower of.

"Brennan, how could you ruin Jesse and Shal's moment like that?"

"What the h**l do you care? I've had fond thoughts of Shalimar since I've met her. I've been there for her whenever she needed me to be. I love and care for her. What she did by leading me on like this…"

"Whoa, wait right there Brennan. I have never led you on or lied about my feelings toward you."

Both Lexa and Brennan were startled upon hearing Shalimar speak. But, then again she is a feral and very capable of sneaking up on a person.

"I've been beating myself up over this thinking maybe I had indeed led you on. But, I haven't, Jess and I have been friends a lot longer than any

Of us here and friendship can lead to a love between 2 people. And, a love that starts out first in friendship has a lot longer a chance to survive than that of a love started out in physical attraction. And, that would have been all I felt for you upon meeting you is physical attraction. If you felt that way towards me you should have asked me out. No, instead you make me feel like crap bringing up all your feelings and ruing my happiness. Well, you haven't. I won't let you win and take this away from me, my love for Jesse and our child. I love Jesse with every part of my well being. I will always care for you as a friend Brennan nothing more, nothing less. And, just to let you know I would've been with Jesse sooner if good ol' Emma hadn't erased certain thoughts from his mind. Oh yeah, she did…stumbled upon her diary after she died. She must have felt really guilty over doing it. It opened my eyes up though.

"I'm sorry Shal, truly about everything. I just wanted to build on our friendship and start a relationship. I just think work prevented me from doing that."

"Brennan, I hate to pop your bubble but, we never had a life to build upon. I feel friendship and compassion for you and nothing more."

Upon saying that Shalimar left the helix to return to Jesse. Lexa wanted to reach out to Brennan but, thought it better to remain silent against her better judgment. Brennan did something however, unexpected. He started to sob for the friendships he screwed up today. And Lexa's heart felt hope…hope that he'd need a friend to be there for him. And eventually, maybe find love with said friend.


	22. Back at Sanctuary

Back at sanctuary

Jesse was finally back home and he and Shalimar couldn't be happier.

Brennan had immersed himself in work unsure anymore where he stood with his friends and even if they still were his friends.

Lexa just stayed in the shadows and watched things around her from afar. She was happy for Jesse and Shalimar. But, worried for Brennan. She wasn't ready yet to reveal her true feelings about him. She did know in her heart though that the right time may never arrive. And, she had seen what could happen when a person waited to long to speak up about their true feelings. So she needed to put a plan in action to get some alone time with Brennan. And, maybe making up a mission would be just the trick to do so.

"Brennan, I need some help on a mission."

"What is Jesse unavailable?"

"Actually, he is. He has a child due in a couple months. Unless, you want to go on this mission with him?"

"No, it's fine. What's the mission Lexa?"

"We have to go and pick up an orphaned elemental. She's only 6 and her parents were recently killed in an automobile accident. She needs to be dropped off at a safe house in Chicago."

"Fine, let's get the helix loaded. Get this trip underway."

This was going to be a mission in love for at least one mutant…


End file.
